im so sick,
and how do we get rid of trauma? how do i make it go away how do i avoid spending nights curled up even in ur arms but completely separate from you & from the universe i manage to make myself no longer a part of this place i can make myself disappear
how do we get rid of it?
i dreamed that i spent the night in an empty cube there was a stove, there was a washer/dryer and there was you and i was miserable and i was trapped i woke up so grateful to be near someone else. but i was trapped next to you the whole time i was asleep and it was terrifying, i did Not Want it
i cant’ type, i dont have a phone right now. i oscillate between wanting to be totally inaccessible and being terrified because i need to have a phone to be in contact with all the people i should have stopped texting so long ago, i think , it is scary to be separate from the world in this way except honestly, i am not. i am still here.i just want to wake up and no longer feel trapped inside those arms that i let go of in may i dont want to go back to them again and again and again, the way i do
i dont want to return, i want to leave, i want to breathe through my nose and i dont want everything to feel quite so tragic as i usually let it feel
i want to go to the future please
i dont know but. how do we get rid of trauma? i could go into detail but i wont.